Succubus Dreams CHAPTER 23

I couldnt stay in my bedroom after(prenominal) that, non after attaining two holy mans disclose unrivaled physic on the wholey and one spiritually. I had to get out of there, out of the apartment. None of the others seemed to notice or c be that I fled. With Nyx captured, there were bigger issues to equivalent about in the universe than one distraught succubus.Id been driving in the car for about ten minutes onwards I realized where I was going. Dantes. Vincents intercourse about the evil charm suddenly seemed unimportant. What I needed right now was to talk to someone about what Id seen. Seth wouldnt entirely understand, and besides, matters tranquil werent fixed between us. Discussing serious things with the vampires was hard for me sometimes. I was hush up mad at Hugh. I wouldnt chew out Erik since he was tranquilize recovering. Dante was all I had left over(p).He turn overed the door to his store after I banged on it for about five minutes. The messy hair and wr inkled clothing installed me that Id woken him again. He looked annoyed, as usual, when I walked inside.Didnt it work? I told you He took a closer look at me. What happened?I staggered to one of the chairs and collapsed into it, paws resting on the side of my forehead. I could open been a mirror of Yasmine. I opened my mouth to speak, to explain what had happened hardly no words came out. He knelt beside me.Succubus. Youre freaking me out here. What happened?I stared blankly at him for several sestingds in front last focusing on his c at a timerned face. She fell.Huh? Nyx?NoYasmine.Who?My eyes went unfocused again as I remembered that black flame. The horrible sound. Blinking, I tried to waggle it off and turn my anxiety to Dante. Shes an holy person. Was an angel. Maybe she still is. I dont know. Fuck, I dont know. I dont know what she is.He reached out and gripped my arms, shaking me slightly to get my attention again. Look, youre losing me. I dont know how an angel fall ing ties into Nyx. If it ties into Nyx. Youve gotta calm down and start from the beginning. Take a turbid breath. I did. Now another. I did. Now talk.I did.It was hard at first, and I had a few false starts. Finally, however, I was able to backbone up and explain the cast of angels to Dante. The story slowly spilled from my lips, and I told him all about what had happened Nyxs capture, Joels death, and Yasmines fall.He kept his hands on my arms when I finished, and I later realized it was to steady me. I was shaking. Several low-keyed minutes passed as we sat there. He exhaled at last and shook his head.Fuck, succubus. Thats a lot for one night. Even for you. He touched my chin with his hand and tilted my face up. But you know angels fall. You know they still fall. All the time.But Ive never seen it, I whispered. In all this timeIve never know anyone who was an angel and then became a demon. All the demons I knowwell, theyve ever so been demons. I never saw them when they were a ngels.First time for everything.I met his eyes. But I correspondingd her.I expected some comment similar, Bad things happen to right-hand(a) people. Instead, he moreover shook his head. Im sorry.I swallowed back tears Id already cried enough tonight and leaned forward, resting my head against his chest, just as I had the other night. He ran a hand down my hair and rocked me.What hope is there? I asked. If tied(p) angels fall, what hope is there for the rest of us? in that respect isnt, he produce. Were on our own. And we have to induct the choices we call up are best for our own survival. If your angel friend had been cogitateing standardized that, she wouldnt have fall.But thats the thingangels dont think about themselves, right? Theyre selfless.Maybe, he said doubtfully. She let things get that far with the nephilimthat wasnt authentically selfless. Now theyre both fucked, and weve got another member in the club.What club?The club. Our club. The one for people who ma ke one mistake and are punished forever because of it. He paused. Its a pretty big club.I gently pulled out of the embrace. What did you do?Hmm?Your one mistake. Vincent show the charmhe said it was horrible. Black magic. He said you had to have done something actually problematical to make it.Dantes eyes were sad as he regarded me. You really want to know?I nodded.No. You dont. accountability now, for the first time, youre talking to me like maybe Im not the biggest asshole on earth. I tell you the truthand youll lose all value for me.I wont. Ill respect you more.He rolled his eyes. People always say noble things in hypothetical situations. Id never cheat on my spouse. Id return the million dollars that I found on the street. Its bulls chance on.Its not, I argued. I respect the truth.But you wont like it. Why do you think I didnt kiss you that day outside Eriks? I jape about wanting to sleep with you hell, I do want to sleep with you notwithstanding if wed done it, youd ha ve felt how little energy I really have.I buy the low energy thing, but I still want to know the story behind it.His eyes narrowed in frustration. Look, succubus. I dont even think I could tell the story if I valued to. Its too hard.His comment about kissing suddenly inspired me. Can you show me?What?I moved toward him. Kiss me. I can hardly get any energy from you, but if you open yourself to the memory, I should be able to olfactory perception pieces of it.I hoped that was true, at least. While my whaprs thoughts and feelings came through to me during sex, it wasnt exactly a system we could control. I couldnt summon up specific things. Usually what I felt was whatever the guy was thinking about just then. More often than not, it was amazement or peradventure a guilty conscience over the sexual lover he was cheating on.But maybemaybe if Dante was specifically thinking of whatever he had done, it would come through. It was worth a shot. I leaned closer to him. He didnt move, s o I went in all the way and kissed him.Initially, it was just a kiss all physical. Gradually, I started to get a bit of his life force but it was just like hed said. His soul was too dark. The life energy that flowed into me was barely a trickle. It was only a few drops, like a leaking faucet. Thenonce Id assessed the energy, I felt something else. I felt his soul felt why it was so black, so devoid of the shining life most humans had. That total darkness began pouring into me, that sickening and oozing eviland there, behind it, was despair and anger and hopelessness and frustration. It was nauseating. Blackness and blood. I wanted to pull away, but I had to see what he was hiding.The memory came through to me in disjointed images, but I was able to piece them together and form a narrative. I saw a sister. Older than him by ten years. Shed taken care of him throughout his childhood both in a motherly way and as an instructor. She was a psychical too. Shed taught him how to harn ess his power, to tap the magic of the world that was unseen to most humans. She had been powerful, but he was even stronger. It hadnt been enough, though. Hed wanted more than to simply control his power hed wanted to enhance it. But as Hugh and Vincent had told me, few humans were born with the magnitude of power that hed craved.So, hed taken it. Ripped it out.From her.I saw his face when he killed her, felt his infliction as the dagger touched her throat. She was half-mother and half-sister to him, but he stole her life anyway. And with that act, his power had grown by magnitudes both because hed gained hers and because of the spell involved. The blood of the innocent always brings power, and the black magic intertwined in this death brought it in spades. It had left him feeling like a god.And wishing he were dead.Hed damned himself. He still love the power, still loved wielding itbut after killing his sister, hed hated himself. Hed withdrawn from the world, trying to bury his memories in drugs and alcohol, only occasionally using his powers for small, nickel-and-dime con jobs.I broke the kiss, not wanting to see or feel anymore. If we went further, Id probably see what he had to do to make the charm. It wouldnt be as bad as what hed done to his sister, but I was through with all this. Wide-eyed, I scooted away from him on the floor.She was Eriks lover, I said softly. Id had a brief glimpse of Tanya that was her expose and Erik together. She was the woman in the picture. Thats why he hates you.Dante nodded. The three of uswe were going to do nifty things. We were all so fucking talented, you know? He rest a hand on his head, eyes full of grief. Unsurprisingly, Erik chose to end our friendship after this. He wanted to kill mehe should have. He really should have. But, well. Hes not that kind of guy.No, I agreed, voice cold. Hes not. I stood up and backed away from Dante, who was still sitting on the floor.He looked up and realized what I was doing. Th e down(p) face turned angry. Leaving so soon?Yes.Well. Thanks for stopping by. And thanks for proving me right.About?He threw his hands in the air. This. I told you youd hate me.I dont I stopped. I did hate him. I couldnt help it, not after seeing how much he and his sister had loved each other. non after realizing how much this must have hurt Erik. Dantewhat you didWas a mistake. One I would take back if I could. One mistake to damn me forever. skilful like your angel friend. Just like you.No, I said. Its not the analogous. Yasmine fell because of love.She fell because of selfishness, he argued. But I wont challenge that particular. Tell me about you. Did you fall because of love?I didnt say anything. Id fallen because of lust. Id cheated on my husband because I was hurt and lonely and bored andwell, because I could.Dante regarded me sharply. You see? I get it. You fucked up too. I understand you youre not going to find too many people who do. I bet your boyfriend doesnt.He accepts me.But does he understand? baffle you ever told him in painstaking detail what you did?No, but it doesnt matter.Dante stood up and approached me. It does matter Being with him is a joke. It cant work. Im not saying you have some great amative future with me either, but at the very least, you should stick with people who know where youve come from.Right. Hanging out with you means Id just drink and hate life.Your point?Seth makes me hope for better things. Makes me want to be better.But theres no point exclaimed Dante. Why dont you get that? Things cant change for you. Even your own fucking palms say so.NoNyx saidNyx said the dream could come true. The man in the dream was her scamming you. You would have fallen for it, too, if your angel hadnt fallen first.I clenched my teeth. Her dreams are true. Seth and I are going to get married? Run off into the sunset? Have babies? Succubus Wake up Dante was shouting, his face inches from mine. It cant happen. Not for you. Ma ybe it can for him but not with you. Every day you spend with him just ensures his life is going to be as empty and meaningless as yours.Thats not true I screamed. Were happy. Were going to be happy together, and I dont care if you dont believe me.Im never going to see or speak to you again. I know why Erik hates you, and I hate you too. I kicked the door open. You deserve to burn in Hell.I left him, but I still couldnt make myself go home. With nothing else to do, I simply found a twenty-four-hour diner and drank coffee, pointedly ignoring anyone who talked to me. I watched the sun come up over the Olympic Mountains and finally went to work when the bookstore opened. I helped out with the last-minute Christmas deal, doing mindless and mechanical tasks. We were closing early that day, and everyone was finishing up their shopping. It was hectic and crazy, but it gave my zombie-like body something to do.When we closed, it was most time for me to take Maddie to the airport. She need ed a few more Christmas purchases herself and asked if Id swing downtown with her. After witnessing the death of an angel, shopping seemed like the most trivial thing in the world. StillI had nothing else to do, so I agreed. I probably would have agreed to anything.Downtown Seattle was decked out in its Christmas finery, with lights and wreaths strung on the shopping nexus that centered around Fourth Avenue. At four in the afternoon, it was already dark outside. Rain pounded down on the pavement, the kind of torrential downpour most people believed we had year-round. Really, it only rained in the winter, and that was usually a drizzly type. This heavy stuff was a rare event, as though perhaps the heavens mourned Joels passing.Through a window, I watched the rain and pedestrians fighting with umbrellas while Maddie searched in Banana Republic for something for her sister. Id half-heartedly looked for a present for Seth, but my motive eventually faded, and anyway, there was no way t o compete with the ring. I still wore it around my neck. It felt heavy today.Along with my grief over what had happened to Yasmine, I still kept thinking about Nyx. In particular, I kept thinking about what shed said to me. The man in the dream. Who was the man in the dream? The drumhead consumed me, as futile as it was. I kept repeating Dantes words, trying to tell myself it didnt matter that the whole thing had been a hoax. But that dark project still haunted my minds eye, and some part of me believed that if I k saucily his identity, then maybe it could all be real.Georgina?I turned from the rainy street and saw Vincent standing(a) in front of me. Beyond him, a preoccupied Maddie flipped through a rack of cardigans. Id thought he looked grief-stricken in my apartment, but that was nothing compared to what I saw now. His face was pinched and pale. His eyes were glassy and red, but whether from crying or lack of sleep, I couldnt say. Probably both.He handed me my apartment key. Just wanted to give this back.I took it. You didnt need to find me for that. You could have left it.Yeah. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked at the ground. I guess I justwanted to talk to someone.Have you, um, seen Yasmine?He shook his head. Nope. I dont know what happened to her. I mean, I knowshes off somewhere in Hell. Maybe they have orientation or something. I dont know. Whatever it is, it must be awful. And its my fault.Its not, I said automatically. It was her choice.She did it for me, though.It doesnt matter why. The point is that she did it willingly. It isnt your regularize to question the decisions she makes.As the words left my mouth, I had a total holy shit moment. I was saying exactly what everyone had been coitus me about Seth. I was saying exactly what Seth himself had been telling me for so long.I guess. I dont know. He sighed. Its so fucking stupid too. All these years, weve been so cautious to stay at arms length, so she wouldnt fall. We were so good holding back from what we wanted. And then, we get the analogous results from a stupid moment of confusion and passion. It just happened so fast, you know? I acted to protect her, she acted to protect me He trailed off and looked as though he might weep. I kind of felt like that myself. Its a pretty big club, Dante had said.Butif shes already fallenwell. Maybe you guys can be together now.Vincent shook his head and gave me a small smile that do him look sadder than when he hadnt been smiling. I dont know. I dont even know if shell meet with me now. Something tells me she wont want me to see her like that.And how do you feel?I love her unconditionallyor, well, at leastI loved Yasmine the angel unconditionally. Shes not that woman anymore. I mean, she may hate whats happenedshe may be miserable. But eventually, shell settle in. They always do. And then shell be one of them. She wont be the same Yasmine, and I dont know if I can love her or if she can love me. Part of what made her such a great person was that she resisted that temptationand I think she felt the same about me.I forgot Vincent for a moment as my attention turned inward, toward my own situation. Again, it was like Seth and me, I realized. The continual tension in our arrangement was a pain, yet the morals it was based on were part of what attracted us. He might have said he was okay with us not having sex, but I think some part of him loved me because of my continual refusal to give in to that. Likewise, I loved his stead-fastness not only in abstaining from me but from other lovers as well. It was part of what had made the fight so shocking. I didnt expect him to be weak.And yeteven if we respect each other for our principles, was it worth it? And had that really been weakness on his part? Vincent and Yasmine had been together much longer than Seth and I had, torturing themselves in the same way. In the end, it had done them no good. Things had unfolded as they had.Star-crossed love isnt as glamorous as it seems, Vincent said, perhaps guessing my thoughts.I never believed it was.Sometimes I thinkwell, maybe it would have been better if she and I had never been together at all. These years have been wonderfulbut well, shed still be the woman I loved if Id never gotten involved.I didnt know about that. Surely, brief moments of joy were worth the pain that might follow? Wasnt that why I was with Seth, despite discriminating hed eventually die? Maybe Seth had been right about taking chances. Life was short. Maybe you needed to seize what good you could. It was all so confusing, and all of a sudden, I wanted to talk to Seth about all of this about living life and taking risks, about what made us love one another, and about what made our affinity worth fighting for. I didnt want to make the mistakes Yasmine and Vincent had. Seth and I needed to sit down with open minds and make this thing with us work.What are you going to do now? I asked Vincent. I didnt think now was th e best time to argue relationship philosophy with him.He gestured vaguely behind him. Leave town. Even being masked, I know theyre looking for me. I need to hide out somewhere.I nodded. I was sad to see him go, but I knew what the other angels and demons would do if they found him. So, I wished him well and shared a brief hug before he departed. As I watched him leave, I again pondered the cautionary tale he represented. Growing anxious, I hoped this airport trip would go quickly so that I could call Seth.Wandering to the other side of the store, I found Maddie paying for her purchases.Who was that guy? she asked me, handing over her credit card. He was cute. Bedraggledbut cute.Hes had a long day, I told her. And a long eternity to go. Hes just a friend.Is he single?I thought about it. Yeah, I guess he is.While I waited for her, I looked over at a nearby mirror. Maddie was still going strong with her new cute and stylish self. Shed gotten a haircut too, the layering of which made h er face appear delicate and lovely. The slacks and sweater, though simple, looked sleek and elegant on her.By contrast, I looked kind of like the ugly stepsister. Oh, I still had the nice figure and pretty face born of shape-shifting, but Id thrown on jeans and an old coat, not really concerned with high fashion today. I also hadnt bothered to shape-shift my hair. Id simply brushed it into a high ponytail. Most telling of all was my face. I wore as much grief as Vincent. There was a hollowness to my eyes that startled me. It counteracted all the other beauty of my features. Glancing back at Maddie, I realized she was the hot one today.When we finally hit the road to the airport, traffic was as horrible as Id expected. I-5 was at a standstill, and with my luck lately, there was probably an accident up in front to compound the rush hour and holiday mess. Sighing, I settled back into my seat.Okay, I told Maddie, desperately needing distraction. Whats the report? What adventurous thing s have you done? Im pretty sure youve more than met your quota.Well, she began. Theres the new clothes, of course. Youve seen a lot of them, and I own more lingerie than I ever have in my life. I was always kind of afraid of it, but theres so much cute stuff out there, you know?Yup. I sure do.I got a bunch of high heels too. Im still kind of information to walk in them, but Im doing okay, I think. She groaned and looked like the snarky feminist writer she was. I feel likewell, like a girl.I smiled and looked at the cars ahead of me. All the variables were in place for an accident, so I had to be careful. In this kind of stop and go, people tended to cease paying attention and fall into a lull. That was how cars got rear-ended. It was also an oddity that Seattle drivers had trouble driving in the rain.You seemed fine in the heels to me. What else have you done? Other than shopping?I signed up for a judo class.You did not.I so did, she said, laughing. It was the craziest class I coul d think of. Besides, I can finally get back at Doug after all those years he used to pull my hair.Well-deserved, I said. I moved over to the farthest lane, with the futile hope that it might move a fraction faster. Anything else?Mmmwell. I started looking for my own place.Thats a good idea.And checking out flights to some places Ive always wanted to see.Another good idea.And I slept with Seth.I nearly drove into the median.What? I said, arrhythmical the wheel back to my own lane. Maddie had her hands stretched out protectively. Did you say Seth?YeahSeth Mortensen?She sounded incredulous. Of course. Who else?It was one of those things that was so ludicrous, I couldnt even fully react. It was like saying, Hey, did you notice the earth just exploded? It wasnt real because all the rest of the data in your known world said it was impossible. My brain wasnt going to bother processing it yet. Wasted cells.HowI mean, what I shook my head. Explain.I could see by her face that she was dying to. This was what had been bursting in her in my office yesterday.Well, two nights ago, I ran back to the bookstore after closing because Id left something. I saw Seth out in the parking lot. Hed been out somewhere and was coming back to get his car.Somewhere was my apartment. That had been the night of the fight.Anyway, she continued. He looked kind of down, and I remembered what youd said about taking risks. Plus, he still owed me the date, right? So, I asked him out for a drink, and he said sure.I tried not to drive into the median again. He didnt drink, did he?No, not alcohol. But we stayed out really late, and we had a great time. You cant even imagine how great he is to talk to. He comes across as shy, but once you get to know him She sighed happily. He thinks like I do toowants to do all sorts of things, go placesAnyway, the place finally closed, and he asked if I wanted to go hang out at his place for a while.I couldnt even look at her now. Sethasked you back to his place?We ll, if we went back to mine, wed have to hang out with Doug, and we just wanted to talk more. And we didexcept, well, after a whilewe stopped talking. And one thing kind of led to another. She exhaled, like she still couldnt believe it herself. I never do things like that. Not so soon. But, well, hes a nice guy, you know? And I wanted to do something adventurousNo, no, no. This really wasnt happening. This was a dream. This was Nyx getting back at me for not helping her. She was sending me a nightmare, one I hoped Id wake up from soon.I didnt realize how long Id been quiet until Maddie hesitantly asked, Georgina? You still with me? You dont thinkyou dont think I was too easy, do you? There was fear in her voice, fear of my disappointment and disapproval.Huh? Nonoof course not. I took a deep breath. So, um, it was good?Oh, yeah She gave a nervous giggle. I cant believe Im even talking about this. But, yeah, Seths a great lover. Hes really attentive.Yeah, I imagine he would be.God, I cant believe this happened.That made two of us. Whats going to happen now? Was ita fling? After all, what else could it be? Seth was with me, right? I had no reason to be upset. Id given him the go-ahead to get sex elsewhere. In factI had told him to that night. If he wanted to sleep with her, that was fine. But obviously, it meant nothing. It had to be a fling, right?Right?I dont know, she admitted. I hope not. I really like himand it was so great. I feel like we really connectedlike the auction hadnt just been because he felt sorry for me. He said he would call and wed go out again sometime. Once more, she turned cautious and unsure. You dont thinkyou dont think hes the kind of guy whod just say something like that and not mean it, do you? She was the Maddie Id known before, the one who looked up to me and wanted my guidance. The one who didnt trust men.I stared ahead and decided maybe the heavens were weeping for me now. After several moments, I finally said, No, Maddie. If he s ays he wants to go out, he means it. Thats the kind of guy he is.